I love this song! (I also love Selena Gomez… but that’s not the point).

I can’t tell you how many people in the world have told me I couldn’t do something. I still hear it to this day. It makes me act like a rebellious teenager. It just makes me want it all the more.

Selena is right. Don’t ever listen to the reality instructors. They are just haters that want to bring you down to their own vile existence.

I’m sitting on my balcony of the Pensacola Beach Hampton Inn.

It’s not exactly what was planned… being that I’m sitting here alone. Rocky was supposed to be here with me. She set it all up. But Indy has the flu or something. So she decided to stay home with him.

My hour and a half run in 60 degree sun on the beach has pretty much cured me of any feelings of self-pity in not having our vacation go as planned.

The endorphins have convinced me to feel grateful and to make the most of an otherwise lovely experience.

The endorphins (along with the sun, white sand and endless ocean view) also have instilled me with strength and courage.

They show me that so much of how we live is just done out of fear.

• So many of us live and die our entire lives in a 20 mile radius because of fear (although we rationalize it otherwise).
• We don’t ask out a person we are attracted to in high school and college because of fear.
• We don’t get the degree in college we want because of fear.

I hear these story lines over and over. Rarely does anyone say it’s fear. It’s because:

• Our family lives here.
• They wouldn’t be interested in a person like me.
• We need to be responsible.

I’m telling you, it’s all bullshit. Those are just excuses because we are afraid. Even saying you are too lazy to do those things is just fear trying to keep you down.

I bring it all up because my personal life story is getting clear to me. I’m getting closer to knowing what I want to be when I grow up.

I don’t want to be defined by what I didn’t do.

I don’t want to be defined by fear.

A major mistake in my life was that I didn’t go to Iraq. What the hell was I thinking?

I knew this was a defining time in American history during my life.

I didn’t have a kid at the time.

I chickened out.

And again, Cairo.

This is a defining moment in the middle east.

I sit comfortably on a balcony in Florida taking my extravagant American life for granted.

I should have been there photographing it.

I believe having an enemy is absolutely crucial to progress.

The government knows this:

• Soviets
• War on drugs
• Climate
• China taking our way of life.
• Obama wants a Sputnik moment.

I need to look no further than myself for an  enemy.

My greatest enemy lives within me everyday.

My enemy is a fear that masquerades as excuses and laziness.

My sister-in-law’s grandfather is a hero to me.

I never knew him. But I know his story.

I’m not sure it’s my place to give all his details. But let me say this: he risked a lot and moved his family to California from North Canton Ohio to work at a airline manufacturer. He took his family (Romanian) around the world to talk about what life was like in the U.S. There’s a “joke” that he was actually a spy.

My aunt Verna and uncle Rusty made a similar move. They drove across country with $50 and a trailer of pigeons (Rusty was a homing pigeon expert in WWII & was consulted on his pigeon expertise in the first Gulf war)

I have endless respect for both of these families.

I could be wrong, but I don’t believe it’s a coincidence the military played a significant role in their lives.

I missed my military moment. The older I get the more anger I have with myself of having a regret so great.

But that’s now my enemy. I’ll take it. I’ll learn from it and I’ll move on.

I will not have a regret as significant as that again.

This is a really good article on Mint.com about the fallacies people tell you (or more importantly, you tell yourself).

I believe I have become a person that perpetually follows my dreams now. The funny thing is, for me at least, the more I follow my dreams the better I get at it. And therefore, the more dreams I can follow.

But the first dream is the hardest.

As you will see, in one of these tips, one of the big secrets to following your dream is that you have to be willing to make some severe cuts in your life. There was a very vivid point in my life where I remember talking about some day “we’d be able to afford cheese any time we wanted.”

To get to the point we are today, we had to live in ways that were embarrassing to me in the eyes of my family and friends. We simply didn’t have as much money as others our age when we first started the whole dream chasing experience.

Today, I can’t tell you how often people tell me, “I’m crazy.”

Whenever I hear that, it’s usually a good clue I’m on the right path.

The “rules” of society to me are so now very vividly false. “Reality” is just a perception. There is no “truth.”

As a guy who believes so strongly in living his dreams, check out this article below. I’m here to tell you, people will tell you these things and everything they tell you is false.

Ten Lies You’ll Hear Before Pursuing Your Dream | MintLife Blog | Personal Finance News & Advice

As our friend Steve Jobs says:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

I’ve turned 39 today.

I like to look back at the past year to see where I’ve come.

I didn’t put this together until right now, but I’ve done all 3 of my marathons when I was 38.

Road Runner Akron Marathon 09/25/2010
Dick’s Sporting Goods Pittsburgh Marathon 05/02/2010
Bank of America Chicago Marathon 10/11/2009

I did the Akron Half Marathon on September 26, 2009. That misses the year by 2 days. Plus it’s not a full marathon.

But that was the kind of year it was.

Looking back, it is all very clear to me now. But I didn’t know what I was doing at the time.

This was a total case of “work hard, play hard.”

My 38th year has been the hardest business year of my life.

I’ve never been more afraid. I’ve never had more sleepless nights. I’ve never pushed as hard on anything like the way I pushed on that business while I was 38.

It was a perfect storm of chaos. I made some big strategic errors with my business. And then of course there was that pesky Great Recession.

But, as with most intense experiences, I’m incredibly glad to have experienced it. I feel like a much more chiseled business person. I’m hardened. I’m much more realistic about what business is about and what it is for.

Looking back, I feel like I was running a social experiment before this past year. Today I feel like I’m running a business.

The year was filled with many things:

• A week long trip to the Grand Canyon of Pennsylvania.
• Photographing the oil spill in Louisiana with Zoriah
• A week family vacation on Lake Erie
• A lot of speaking nationwide
• Moving to our new office
• Indy going to kindergarten
• Our friend Pat died

It was just all around intense.

What did I learn from the year?

• Will power is unbelievably effective
• I have yet to know my limits. I don’t think I’ve come anywhere close to touching them.
• I want to experience my limits. What are they?
• Great highs and great lows can come rapidly
• Fear is irrational most of the time in modern society.
  • Fear was given to us for life and death situations. We have no right to be using it for most stressful situations we encounter in our daily lives.
• Running taught me that when fear and anxiety are gone the only thing left to fill the hole is joy, happiness and bliss.
• I can and will accomplish more than I have ever imagined… I just have to start imagining!

So, I think I feel a little like what that guy who cut his arm off with a dull knife to escape the chasm he fell in probably felt like.

“Year 38 was the best thing to ever happen to me.”

While I’m still socially liberal, I have a new, deeper appreciation of why free enterprise business people want to keep their money. They come by it hard. And whether you respect “greedy, selfish business money grubbers” doesn’t matter. Society needs them. All politicians know this. These people make jobs, make innovation. They give you the TV’s you watch, the iPhones you adore, the Nikes you wear with pride. They created your libraries. They give us the incredibly tasty, abundant food we devour as much as our stomachs can take.

I am making no case for lower taxes (in fact I have highly suggested higher taxes on this blog). But the vilification of the wealthy in the U.S.A of all places is irritating. Regulate oil, regulate banks and do anything you want with cheaters and abusers. Just don’t lump us all together.

There are people in the world that do the dirty things that make you safe, comfortable and happy. Until you start living in a cabin in the middle of the wilderness, you need and want what capitalists give you.

Thank a farmer. Thank a business owner. These people make your first-world lifestyle what it is today.

I don’t apologize any more for who I am (where I used to be embarrassed by certain parts of me).

In my business life, I am driven, ambitious and aggressive. I do it to make money. I do it because its exciting. I do it because it challenges me. I don’t do business to help the world or make it a better place. I do it for the conquest. That’s all.

Contributing to the world happens outside of my business. I believe in alternative energy. I am vehemently against middle east energy. I believe in local food. I believe in universal health care. I believe in the Salvation Army. I believe the national government is more than just for defense.

I’m for higher taxes. I’m for making spending cuts in Medicare, Social Security, Defense.

I am not Fox News. I am not MSNBC. I make my own rules. I make my own path.

I tell you all this because my 38th year made me not afraid any more. It made me define my world. It made me be proud of who I am.

We currently live in a culture in America where we are at war with ourselves. So you, undoubtedly, disagree with multiple things I’ve said here. And you are trying to decide if I’m with you or against you. Let me tell you this: If you are a  U.S. Tea Party person I am with you. If you are a U.S. Libertarian I am with you. If you are a U.S. Michael Moore Liberal I am with you. If you are a U.S. centrist I am with you. I am for the U.S…. ALL OF IT! You are all great. You all go into making this country so vibrant, culturally diverse, innovative, risk taking, compassionate, aggressive. I love it all. I love the entire package of America. I love that other rich countries have longer life expectancy rates than us. I love that we don’t take August off. We are intense. Our national animal is an eagle for God’s sake. “Eagles are different from many other birds of prey mainly by their larger size, more powerful build, and heavier head and beak.”

I am not, nor will I ever be a politician. They can have that mess of a life. So, I can support all of us. Which is what our politicians should be working on. But of course they don’t. We only come together in massive tragedy.

And that’s the summation of 38. I don’t think 39 will stand much of a chance as being anywhere near as defining and intense. I’m cool with that. A year like 38 goes a long way. But hopefully 38 will help be my guide for 39 and beyond.

Today I’m 39

I distinctly remember turning 30. I vocally declared that the upcoming decade would be, “the decade of work.” That lasted for exactly 1 year. And it was not a particularly pleasant year at that.

Today, I declare 39 to be the year of having fun!

That has become my primary guiding life morality and value… to have as much fun as I possibly can have.

This isn’t something I came up with on my own. Cameron Diaz told me this while I was watching some VH1 behind-the-scenes or something.

I vividly remember watching her tell her amazing life story, being all hot and famous and rich and saying something like, “I just want to have as much fun as I possibly can have.”

That moment has always stuck with me. It was a moment of profound impact. Those words influenced me as much as anything the Dalai Lama ever told me in the scores of books I’ve read by him and about him.

Cameron seemed to have figured life out. She was living an existence of extreme actualization and enlightenment.

I mean, I dare you to watch an hour long special on the life of Cameron Diaz and not be in complete awe. She is leading a life that was meant to be reserved for Greek gods. Somehow she has figured it out.

That’s what I want. I want to be Cameron Diaz.

Well, not Cameron Diaz (although if someone could turn me into Cameron Diaz I’d seriously consider it) but a life in the image of Cameron Diaz. Taking the principles of Cameron Diaz and apply them to my own life.

I want to live a life that Cameron Diaz would look down upon from her Mount Olympus-like mansion she must have probably somewhere incredibly amazing and give a small nod in approval.

I want to have as much fun as I possibly can have.

For me, that’s things like:

• Having tons of fun with my kid, Indy
  • hot tubbing
  • camping
  • video gaming
  • throwing balls
  • taking pictures
• Having fun with Rocky, my wife
  • Doing most of the things I like doing with Indy
  • Going to dinner and movies on date night.
  • Going shopping and eating ice cream.
  • Going on vacations anywhere and everywhere.
  • Eating bagels on Sunday mornings
• Having fun with my business
  • This is where I get my aggression out.
  • I like fighting with the market.
  • I like trying to figure out how to get rich.
  • I like building things out of nothing.
  • I like building things, period.
• Insane ambitions
  • This is things like marathons
  • Now I want to climb mountains
  • Zoriah tells me I have to sky dive.
  • I want to scuba dive
  • Maybe get a motorcycle some time.
  • Photograph more tragedies.
  • I want to live at the edge the world experiencing things most people are afraid of experiencing.
  • I want to find things I’m afraid of and race after them.

Now I know this entire life strategy would probably just be Wednesday for Cameron. But we can’t all attain celestial transcendence. We can only use the likes of her as an ideal… as a Joseph Campbell archetype for the spirit. A mythological princess that represents all that is great within each of us.

Thanks for the guiding light, Cameron! I hope to make you proud.

I’m not in this picture. But this is what the final stretch looks like.

You come running into the Akron Aeros baseball stadium to cross the finish line.
They cover the ground with some sort of material. It’s soft and squishy.

The guy who heads up the marathon (I can’t easily find his name, off hand) shakes your hand as you cross the finish line.

This is my third marathon (Chicago, Pittsburgh and now Akron). Akron is the smallest of the three. But it is run incredibly well. All three are run well. But I’d say its as good as Chicago. While Pittsburgh is good, there were a couple mistakes they made that put it third on my list.

Akron marathon gave out wind breaker jackets this year. Their medals are beautiful. Their spaghetti dinner was delish and well run. And I love running into the stadium to finish. That’s a really cool touch.

Here are the points I’ve been thinking about:
 
On Time
I finished 4:58… just under 5 hours.

Time is a sensitive topic for me (and probably for a lot of marathon runners). As a person who runs marathons, you probably are in the “achiever class.” You’re a competitive person. And you like to set up goals just to knock them down. I could be wrong that most marathoners are like that. But I’m like that and it doesn’t take a stretch of imagination that a certain kind of person runs a marathon.

Geoffrey Kiprotich won the marathon with a time of 2:19:34. I had not quite gotten to the half way mark at this point.

I don’t know what Geoffrey was doing at noon:

• Getting up from a nap.
• Finishing a tasty lunch with the mayor
• Relaxing after a refreshing shower

I was just trudging over the finish line, my head swimming in dizziness. Starving and feeling queezy.

This is a hard reality to shoulder.

Overall, I was the 1260th person to cross that line. The 875th male and the 126th in my division, out of 147.

For an achieving sort, being number 1260 sucks. I can usually be in the top group of virtually anything I do. And here I am, the 1260th person of 1519 total people to finish. There were only 1009 men to cross the line.

I’m in the bottom of the bottom. That’s not a position I normally reside in.

It’s not uncommon for me to walk away from finishing a marathon feeling like a total loser. That was the prevailing thought after Pittsburgh.

But I also know this… less than 1% of the population has ever finished a single marathon.

On top of that, I made a conscious decision not to work on time this summer. It was a brutally hot training season. I decided I was just going to have fun this summer running. I wasn’t going to suffer.

As it turned out, I finished faster than I thought. My last 20 mile run before the marathon was finished in 4 hours. I was concerned I was going to be well over 5 hours during the race.

Also, I ran most of the day with a guy who was running his 230th marathon. He wasn’t in a hurry.

These are my numbers that came over from the chip on my shoe:
3.5m: 00:39:20
9.2m: 1:40:23
15.5m: 2:46:53
18.3m: 3:17:57
26.2m: 4:58:24

Here are the numbers for each mile from my watch:
Total: 4:58:29 (I was pretty close to my chip)
Mile 1: 10:59
Mile 2: 10:34
Mile 3: 13:19 (we got stopped at a cross street here. A couple wheel chair people where crossing)
Mile 4: 9:48 (I was with the 10:53 group. We were making up for lost time.)
Mile 5 & 6: 20:38 (I sometimes would miss a mile marker. But this was still a fast time for me.)
Mile 7: 10:25
Mile 8: 10:44
Mile 9: 10:34 (you can see  our pacer was really pushing us to not only catch up time but to give us a little room to breath at the end.)
Mile 10: 10:58
Mile 11: 10:32
Mile 12: 10:51
Mile 13: 10:28
Mile 14: 10:32
Mile 15: 10:48
Mile 16: 11:20 (Welcome to the wall. Our pacer said that no matter if you are running a marathon, 50k or 50 mile, this is always the worst. He said it doesn’t get any worse than right now. I agree with that. But I’m not sure it got much better. This was also where the hills started coming.)
Mile 17: 10:19
Mile 18: 11:07
Mile 19 & 20: 23:01
Mile 21: 12:41 (I made a conscious decision to not suffer the rest of the race. First, I hadn’t trained at the pace I was running. So I was starting to get really tired. I’m not sure if I could have kept up with the pacer the rest of the race or not. But at this point I let that group go. That was a little sad for me because I LOVED this pacer. He was an amazing person. The best pacer I had ever seen.)
Mile 22: 14:02 (I gave myself a few minutes to walk during this mile.)
Mile 23: 12:25 (This is the point at which I had to be really honest with myself. Looking back, honestly, I felt worse at mile 16 than I did here. But your mind plays tricks on you. It was trying to tell me I was tired and should walk more. I compromised and just slowed my pace. I really wanted to just be happy.
Mile 24: 14:13 (I can’t recall why this was slow. Oh! I did stop at this point and take a picture with a friend who came out to see me. That could have accounted for it.)
Mile 25: 13:05 (Just running a slow pace at this point. My thigh muscles had been cramping up for the last few miles. This happened to me in Pittsburgh too. I attribute it to all the ups and downs. The Akron Marathon is definitely hilly. Not as bad as Pittsburgh. But they add up.)
Mile 26: 14:55 (this was actually 1.2 miles. I didn’t see the 26 mile marker. So the time here was pretty good.)

And that was the end.

I haven’t really yet come to peace with my marathon times. But they are what they are. I try to remind myself that I’m running to relieve stress. I have never trained for time. So I really can’t expect myself to be fast when I never work on being fast.

I guess I would just like to be naturally fast. But that’s not who I am.

Spectators
Rocky mentioned last night the strange juxtaposition of spectators versus the runners. The spectators come out with their coffees and stand or sit around as they watch other people killing themselves running all around town. You have one group of people sitting around relaxing. And you have another group of people exerting themselves to the ends of their abilities.

The interesting aspect of that however is that we both need each other. Runners love spectators. They are always one of the top aspects that runners mention that go into a good marathon. The runners come out and try extra hard one day because, in large part, of the spectators. We love the encouragement.

And in return, the spectators come out to see these insane people running all around their town.

I don’t believe marathons would be nearly the “thing” without spectators.

We need each other.

I see this as a metaphor for life. We all need each other:

• Democrats versus Republicans
• Blue collar versus white collar
• Poor versus rich

One could not exist without the other. Each is equally important.

Cow Bells
Runners also love cow bells. In past marathons they worked very hard at getting these out to the people. For some reason, Akron didn’t have enough cow bells.

I’m thinking next year maybe SageRock will get a bunch of cow bells to give away.

A marathon just isn’t quite the same without cow bells.

Marathoning
I asked Rocky last night what she thought of the whole marathoning experience. I brought it up because my mother-in-law had mentioned yesterday that she could think of a dozen other things she would rather do with her time than killing herself running 26.2 miles.

I actually rarely ask myself “why” I do anything these days. It’s an impossible question that defies an answer most of the time.

I have a t-shirt that says something like, “because there’s a road.” That’s pretty much my philosophy on why I achieve anything. I like to achieve things (for a reason that I never seek an answer because the absurdity of it all is skin deep). And so I just make lists of things to do and do them because they are there. It’s my hobby.

But my mother-in-law brings up a good point. Are there other things I would rather do? Did I ever actually even ask myself if there would be something I would rather do than run marathons? No.

I asked Rocky about this. In her perfect clarity, she said: Marathons are achievable by most people. Pretty much anyone can run a marathon. (If you’ve never watched a marathon, I recommend checking one out just to see the vast different sizes, shapes and ages of the runners. My pacer probably could have stood to lose 10 pounds himself. But he, incidentally, dusted me and that wasn’t even his normal running pace. He usually runs an hour faster.)

She said, with some dedication and persistence, most people can get a marathon done. They just have to want to get it done. The “wanting” is the secret. It’s making a commitment to a goal that, while you can do it, you definitely have to want it for an extended period of time.

It’s that persistence that makes it worthwhile. You learn things about yourself and you grow as a person.

And that’s it for me. I’m looking for the dark corners of the world and myself that I haven’t seen. I believe that I am nothing more than a tourist on this planet. All I’m doing is looking around and exploring for about 100 years and which time I will have to go home (incidentally, a home that is way more boring than any home you go to in this world.)

I want to see what this place has to offer. That’s why I ran 3 marathons. And with that, I’ve seen something that less than 1% of the world has seen. I like that.

My Future
With all that, that’s the end of marathoning for me… at least for a while. I get it. It’s a test of endurance. It’s a test of dedication and determination. And while I wouldn’t say I passed with flying colors (i.e. my finishing times), I did pass. I’m a marathon runner. I have the 26.2 sticker on the back of my van because I’ve earned it.

And because I view myself as a tourist on this planet, I want to see what else is out there.

The next stop… Rocky and I are going to start hiking. (Mountains are in my future.)

Like with marathon running, that Rocky rightly says is accessible to most people, I believe most accomplishments are accessible to most people. You just have to want them. Nature cannot withstand the relentless pursuit of a willful human.

I’ve got to see what this mountain climbing is all about.

Oh! I do still plan on continuing to run. I plan on doing more races: 10k and half marathons. Rocky has noticed that I am usually happiest right about the 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 mile mark. She’s right. I always feel great at that point.

One of the downsides to marathon training is the time commitment. 4 hours on a Saturday morning is a big commitment. Training for a half marathon is probably 2 hours at most. And an hour or 90 minutes is about the amount of exercise the doctors want from us anyway. So, backing off will be more inline with spending more time with my family. That will be nice.

Hiking will let me spend more time with Rocky. So, this is all a new frontier that has a lot of benefits.

And that’s the story of my Akron Marathon adventure.

I would recommend this marathon to anyone. It’s very professionally run. And its a big accomplishment because of the hills.

Would I recommend marathon running?
Let me say this first, if you have a healthy heart and no major physical detriments (I’ve read about people with arthritis and lupus running marathons. I’ve seen people puking running marathons. I’ve seen people barley being able to walk finishing marathons. A blind guy beat me yesterday.) you can get a marathon done.

Will you be scared? Yes.
Will you be in pain? Yes.
Will you want to quit? For sure.

But you can get it done.

Should you do it is a whole other issue. My recommendation here is to take a moment and think about what you want from your life. I am shocked to find that most people rarely address this. “I want to be comfortable.” That’s something I hear. If that’s your goal, “to be comfortable”, then hell no you shouldn’t run a marathon. There’s nothing comfortable about it.

As I mentioned, I see myself as a tourist on this planet. I just want to experience stuff. So that’s why I did it.

So, look at your M.O. (modus operandi), your “method of operating” and go from there. If it fits with your life goals then you’ll be able to make the decision yourself.

If you don’t know what your life goals are then deciding on whether a marathon is right for you could be a great opportunity to start living your life with a clear direction. If you can’t decide what your M.O. is then I might suggest running a marathon. You’ll figure it out by the time you get across that finish line… I pretty much guarantee it.

Here are some of the sides of the trial:
God is on trial for murder, conspiring to murder and more murder.

• God had a covenant with the Jewish people… they are chosen.
• People have sins and are being punished.
• Good people are being punished.
• God is not punishing individuals but instead a whole group.
• If God is not a personal god then he is much like weather.
• You have to sacrifice something beautiful for it to be true punishment.
• We are purifying the people through our pain.
• Hitler will die and the Torah will live.
• God is demanding a Holocaust, a sacrifice of the best Jews.
• Hitler is working for God. He is the knife and God is the surgeon. Hate the knife, love the surgeon.
• To stand in the way of Hitler then means you are standing in God’s way?
• When this is over, perhaps the world will be a better place… perhaps the Messiah will come.
• If God can do all things then why can’t he purify his people without gassing them?
• Free will… Yes there is evil in the world because God gave man free will.
• The war will end, Hitler will die, the people in the Torah will survive.
• The fire that burns us is a refining fire that will create an age of Gold.
• Your children were taken as martyrs.
• Maybe God is here suffering with us.
• Maybe God is not all powerful. Maybe he needs us to be complete.
• Where does all this evil come from? Where does all this good come from? Good will win.
• I don’t know what God can do and cannot do.
• He gave us the law and to debate the law and discuss it is a kind of prayer. I felt he was with us during the debate.
• We cannot know the mind of God. God is too great. All we can do is pray, have faith. Hitler will die. The war will end.
• God guarantees the survival of the people. God is guilty because our survival is not likely.
• If one child dies of consumption it is a terrible thing. Is it worse if a million die?
• If we are the last, we must consider that we are holy men.
• He is saying we have something in common with the Nazis.
• There are 100,000 million stars just in our galaxy. God made these. And yet his whole attention is focused on one planet. And not the whole planet, just the Jews. And not all the Jews. If he loved the Jews so much why did he make anything else? Why didn’t he fill the universe with Jews and not stars. It’s mad. It’s simply incorrect. Baby’s think the world disappears when they close their eyes. In the middle ages people thought the sun revolved around the earth… it was an illusion. When the Jews came, they said there was one God. They had an idea that God loves them more than anyone else. They prosper. Then the Christians come along and say that God doesn’t just love the Jews he loves everyone. Then the Christians conquer everyone. There is one God and it is me.
• These educated boys say they saw a truth we did not see and yet they are here with us.
• There is a wasp that lays eggs in a caterpillar then eats its way outside of the caterpillar. What kind of God creates a wasp like that.
• Look at things not like babies but like men. Use your reason.
• What is the use of reason in a world that is run by madness?
• Don’t let them take your God. The covenant is yours. God is your God. Even if he doesn’t exist, keep him. They have taken everything else.
• God let us out of Egypt. We were in Egypt because there was a famine. So God put us in Egypt and then took us out of Egypt.
• God slay the first born of the pharaoh and the first born of the slaves of Egypt. And then God let the Jews out of Egypt. Then God drowned the soldiers that followed them.
• Who punishes a child? God does.
• Did the mothers of Egypt feel that God was just? If God did not make the Egyptians, who did? What was it like for the people of Egypt when God turned against them? It was like this (the holocaust).
• They [the malachites] faced extinction. They were afraid as we are afraid. They learned that God is not good. He was only on the Jew’s side. God is not good. When he asked Abraham to sacrifice his son he should have said no.
• On the belts of the Nazis, it reads, “God is with us.” Who says he is not.
• He is still God, but not our God. He has become our enemy. That is what has become of the covenant. He has made a new covenant with someone else.

They found God guilty of breaking his convenant.

Now that God is guilty what do we do now? Now we pray.

• The goal of the teachings of Buddhism is to become less ATTACHED to things that are IMPERMANENT.
• Move toward love, happiness and compassion. Move away from suffering.
• Everything that goes up comes down.
• Everything that lives dies.
• Everything that succeeds fails.
• You get what you give.
• The one desire you want to commit to is the desire to understand the things on this page.

Today is my birthday.

In recent years, my birthday day has seemed to become a day of review and introspection.

I put a lot of weight on the actual day. I guess that’s ok. But I do similar things to many other days in my life. I ask myself, “What is the best use of my time at this very moment.” There are so many “bests” that I’m never totally satisfied with any of my choices.

So today, for example, “best” could include:
Reading the New York Times.
Doing some personal videos.
Writing this blog.
Working on my survival kit.
Doing something special with Rocky and Indy.
Possibly painting something.
Shooting photography.

Those are just the things that are off the top of my head. I’m sure that list could continue on and on.

I’ve chosen to sit at Angel Falls reviewing my life.

So here it is:
34
Strengths
34 is representative of the best my life has ever been. SageRock is more successful than ever. Indy is happy and healthy. Rocky is amazing. I feel good about my business acumen. I’m doing toastmasters and I can feel my public speaking skills getting stronger. I’m getting a good amount of sleep. I’m eating well. I’m on a pursuit of some sort of spirituality which has been a long under cared for part of my life.

Weaknesses
I’m a little low on energy. Part of me wonders how long I can keep this all up. I’m not sure I’m taking care of myself mentally. When things are going well, I feel fine. But when things go wrong, I get easily beaten down. I’m not exercising right now. I think that might be a big problem. I think I have an anger problem that I didn’t really know about. I think I might be more addicted to anger than I know.

The weight of my life right now is taking some getting used to. I feel that I’m in the heart of my life right now. I sort of imagine that will be the case for the next 10 years. 35-45 are probably going to be my biggest producing years. That’s cool and all. But it’s also oppressive. I’ve got to try to stay loose. Meditation and exercise… those are the biggest missing pieces of my life. I think the are crucial for me to keep up with what’s ahead of me.

Opportunities
SageRock
Rocky
Indy

That’s the trilogy of my life right now.

Balancing those is the true trick. But ultimately, balance is what will be the measure of my own success.

SageRock… 15 people is the goal. Branching out into other services is the question. There are complicated pros and cons for answering that question. I think that hasn’t been flushed out as well as it should.

Rocky… She too is under a lot of pressure as a woman and mother in America. Helping her stay happy and continue to grow is a delicate balance. I think my roll is primarily to be supportive and encouraging.

Indy… Being a good dad is the holy grail of my life. If there is anything that matters in my life, being a good father matters. To me, the number 1 thing I can do to be a good dad is to love his mom. Any advice, wisdom or direction I offer is second to that. Finally, he has to feel that I love and respect him.

Threats
Even though I’m 3 and 1/3 years away from quitting drinking and smoking, I’m always going to have to be aware of the potential pitfalls. I know that I am more productive, successful and happy because I’m not drinking and smoking.

Supporting SageRock. In order for SageRock to survive and continue to thrive at it’s size and the size I want it to be, marketing and sales must be strong. I have to be the best marketing strategist I can be. If SageRock fails or falters it will be because of marketing and sales.

I can’t get too obsessed with work. I have to be carefull of balancing work and family. Being constantly plugged in can often help this. But it can also be overwhelming. I have to be present in my family life.

***********

All in all, my life is at its peak. I think I still have room to grow.

Exercise and meditation are the big items I need to work on this year personally.

Being supportive and encouraging are the key elements I need to continue to work on in my family life.

Marketing and growth are the areas I need to continue to master and ponder in business.

I’m a little nervous that life has never been better… that makes going down a much easier possibility. But fortunately, I feel there is still plenty of room to continue up.

**************
Here’s to a fresh start as a 35 year old.

And here’s an idea I have about doing an addiction speaker series or DVD series.

Sage was 225 pounds, a pack-a-day smoker, drank 2 pots of coffee a day, had 12 beers on Wednesdays, 18+ beers on Fridays, and quit it all one night 3 years ago.

He didn’t find God. He didn’t check himself into a rehab clinic. He just wanted to quit and develop a plan to do it.

He can show you how.