Sage Lewis

The reason I was inspired to start this log of my dining experiences was because of my dinner last night at:

Johnny’s Downtown, Cleveland

Rocky went here several years ago, spoke of it highly and so I was interested in checking it out.

The ambiance is great. Wood paneled walls, high metropolitan loft ceilings, dark and rich colors. A great environment.

But I just couldn’t get excited about the menu. It looked like every menu I’ve run into in every restaurant I’ve been to across America.

It did have steak tartar. I love that dish and is rare to find. But I wasn’t quite in the mood for it last night. I started with the french onion soup. I hadn’t had it in a long time and wanted to be reminded of it again. Fortunately, it was exactly like every batch of french onion soup I ever had. So, mission accomplished.

Each entre came with one choice of salad. I was with my in-laws. My father-in-law is emotionally allergic to salad. So he just sat hovering over this plate full of untouchable greens. You know, it was the walnut, gorganzola with raspberry vinaigrette. It was good. But there were other salads on the menu and soups. Why couldn’t there have been an option. Or just don’t include the salad with dinner. I was actually expecting to buy my salad… I was looking forward to the Caesar.

I couldn’t make up my mind on the entre so I had the server choose. He went with:
Long Bone Veal Chop – Pounded & Breaded Chop Sautéed in Extra Virgin Olive Oil Topped with Tomato Concasse, Arugula & Aged Balsamic -  42.95.

I thought it was interesting that he chose the most expensive dish on the menu. He did say that they are known for their veal. So… whatever.

But this veal was the most unremarkable veal I can recall. Veal is not usually my dish of choice. Just because I hate imagining all those baby cows dying for my love of tender meat. The sad part was that it wasn’t particularly tender. It was good, no doubt. But it clearly was not exciting and I could have used a real steak knife as this baby cow must have had some early childhood stress. I could feel it as I struggle to cut through his little breaded chop.

I could have stuffed in some dessert. But nothing was so seductive as to force me to walk out ready to explode… a condition I am more than will to take on for the good of a delicious dessert. My wife and kid made some sugar cookies that sounded more interesting to me than these offerings.

For four people the bill came to about $315 with the tip.

The other thing was that the server was good. But he wasn’t special. I am a messy eater. I could have used a crumbing of my table cloth.

I had three Diet Cokes. Each empty glass sat in front of me as he brought me a new one. So, by the end of dinner I had four empty glasses hovering around me. It pointed out my drinking obsession and added to the bread crumbs scattered all over my section of the table cloth. Man I’m a pig.

I didn’t feel good enough for my server. I’m totally cool with elitist servers. They know the food of their restaurant well. But I felt that he misread me. I felt spoken down to even though, I must say, I was once a fine dining server, I eat out a lot. I wanted him to connect with me more. I wanted him to get me. I felt like he thought I was new to this scene. Ultimately, he was streamlined and efficient… which is good. But I also needed him more observant… empathetic.

Ultimately, it was fine. Nothing bad.

But definitely not interesting, in my judgment. I’ll keep looking.

I do not consider myself an extravagant man.

I payed $115,000 for my house about 6 years ago.

My newest car is a 2004 Hyundai Sonata.

I have a home theater, but it is hand made and the projector is a business project that currently has about 200 hours left on its bulb.

But if there is one high-end luxury I really like to indulge in, it’s restaurants.

I love the experience of fine dining. I love the ambiance. I love the adventure. And of course, I love the food.

All that said, after having the opportunity to explore quite a few “fine” restaurants, I’ve got to say, finding a  good one is harder than finding a good whore on Main Street in Akron. It’s harder than finding a drug dealer that’s reliable, reasonable and carries quality stash. It’s harder than finding a politician that actually cares about his country and not his personal vendettas.

I’m hear to tell you it’s just plain hard.

The other activity I really enjoy is movie watching. If I had to compare most fine dining restaurants I’ve been to, to a movie, the movie that comes to mind is Romancing the Stone (1984). It’s a movie that wasn’t bad, but it sticks in my mind as really average. On top of that, it was made in 1984.

That’s how I see most restaurants. They are not bad. But they are incredible in their averageness. And on top of that, THEY WERE MADE IN 1984!

If most movies were exactly like Romancing the Stone, I’ve got to think people would stop going to the movies. But in restaurants, it seems that people apparently want Romancing the Stone over and over and over. Those are the restaurants that seem to stick around and last.

To add a little zest to these experiences, Rocky and I like to guess the dessert menu before it comes out: creme brulee, raspberry cheese cake, and for a special treat… chocolate lava cake. “But be sure to tell your server ahead of time if you want this scrumptious treat… it takes 15 minutes to make. But, oh, is it worth it.”

I feel like every restaurant attains to be:

Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse & Wine Bar

The main menu is just as bad as the dessert menu. Petite Filet Mignon, Main Filet Mignon (why the hell are those TWO items on the menu), Tuscan veal chop, prime rib, seared scallops and for today’s special “chilean sea bass”. These are not features… THEY ARE CUTS OF MEAT!

With all that said, there are great eating adventures to be had. They are much easier to come across in New York and Chicago compared to Cleveland and St. Louis. But I have experienced good food in those smaller metropolitan areas. However, I don’t feel that region should be any excuse for dishing out monotonous food. We live in a global culture. We all have access to the same media, tastes and experiences. There should be more great food experiences in Akron Ohio.

That said, I often find interesting food at mid-level restaurants. It’s these high end restaurants that seem to consistently flop.

The reason for this prelude is that I thought I’d give you my assessment of these restaurants as I come across them. That way I’ll have a little remembrance of them and you… can do with my analysis as you see fit.

Incidentally, my current favorite local restaurant is:

Downtown 140 in Hudson Ohio. It’s set in a cellar. The menu is clever and original. It’s just fun. This is the restaurant that I’m looking to beat right at the moment.

I feel that it is as good as avec in Chicago. Avec is more hip where Downtown 140 is more elegant. But I’m cool with that. Both are tapas-oriented.

I won’t be able to comment on the wine selection because I don’t drink. But that will just let me better focus on the food.

My first review will be last night’s dinner:

Johnny’s Downtown, Cleveland

I’ll try to write it later today.